As I understand it, according to the classical music purists, Classic FM is for philistines. So be it. Notwithstanding, here at Castle Moraymint we do listen to Classic FM where we refer to it as ‘nursery rhymes for grown-ups’. It’s comforting listening to popular classical pieces (or usually parts thereof) being played time and again.
However, over the past couple of months I’ve been switching off Classic FM as soon as the state comes on air and starts bullying me. Her Majesty the Queen courts great popularity at the moment, not least after her successful Diamond Jubilee year. However, when the politicians in the Treasury dreamt up one of their many and growing schemes for extracting our money from us (they’re pathologically incapable of arresting their own propensity to spend our money), they cleverly dropped any reference to ‘Her Majesty’.
I’m talking, of course, about the ‘public service’ broadcast that now pervades the airwaves; well certainly it does on Classic FM. To the sound of windscreen wipers swishing back and forth I picture in my head some hood driving towards my home through a dark, wet night before a man’s voice comes on and says, “Revenue and Customs is closing in on unreported income … sinister pause … if you have declared all your income, you have nothing to worry about … sinister pause, lowers tone to more menacing … if you haven’t … another sinister pause, lowers tone still further … we’re looking for you.”
If I fail to switch off the radio before the Orwellian git finishes his message I am usually unable to prevent myself from uttering, “Oh fuck off, will you.” It’s like 21st century feudalism, eh?